THE BOX IN MY LIFE

Large Box

In the beginning, I am just STANDING next to a giant box.  Gradually, I start to walk around it, examining it from all sides.  Then I attach a thick, sturdy rope to it, tie it around my waist, and begin to drag it forward.  This box is much bigger than I am, so my progress is extremely slow.  It is heavy and awkward and difficult to handle.  I fall to my knees quite often, while I am constantly looking back at my box.  I keep asking myself, why me?   And why this particular box?  

Although I meet a lot of people along the way (many who happily wave and give an encouraging smile), no one offers to help me.  Even more surprising is that not one person asks what is in the box or where I am going with it.  I find this so peculiar that you could watch someone like me who is on my knees more than I am upright, who is crying half the time and clearly frustrated, and no one is even curious enough to ask why.  Yet part of me is relieved they don’t because most of the time I just want to blend in with everyone else that is also dragging something they can’t identify and on some unfamiliar path to who knows where. 

There are still moments in every day when I feel sorry for myself.  Starting completely over and creating a brand new life has been the biggest challenge of my life.  During my lowest points, I dream about going back in time and freezing everyone and everything that was special to me.  I would choose a day when all of my family was still alive, and everyone was healthy and beautiful.  It would be a day when I felt safe and loved, and I was happy in my marriage … a day before I found out all the secrets about everyone, all the lies, jealousy and betrayal. 

It is so tempting to choose ignorant bliss over harsh reality.  Who wouldn’t choose fantasy if given a choice?  But if you always choose fantasy over reality, and safety and protection over the unknown, what chance do you have to ever grow as a human being?  Or if you are spiritual like me, how will your spirit ever evolve if you don’t grab the opportunities for change and growth when they come your way?  If you don’t STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, not only will you never advance, but you will never discover who you really are beneath all those layers of protection.

 I believe EVERYONE has a box they drag through life. We all have different sized boxes with different contents, but we all have something from our past that follows us and haunts us.  My box was huge two years ago when I started all of this, but it is slowly getting smaller.  I keep stopping on my journey and cutting away at it as I examine my life.  As my self-esteem and confidence grows, my box gets smaller.  With every painful memory I dispose of, the box gets lighter and easier to pull.  What first seemed like an impossible task is becoming easier and easier, although I often wonder if I will always be dragging some sort of box somewhere in this life.  I so want to LET GO of this box in my life and just start running.

Copyright © 2013 (Michelle Parsons, Getting Back on Your Path). All Rights Reserved.

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