“BRAINWASHING” OF AN ABUSE VICTIM
No one can fully explain what really happened to newspaper heiress Patty Hearst when she was kidnapped in 1974. We know she was abducted by the Symbionese Liberation Army and held for ransom. We also know she soon started dressing like them, began calling herself “Tania”, and within a few months, was assisting them in a bank robbery. But WHY Patty Hearst did this is where opinions differ. The prosecution team (that eventually convicted her) referred to her as a “rebel in search of a cause” … and the fact that she refused to testify against other SLA members was proof of her guilt. But it’s the theory of the defense that haunts me now. Their claims that Hearst was blindfolded, held in a closet, and physically and sexually abused led some experts to believe that not only was she a victim of “brainwashing”, she also suffered from “Stockholm Syndrome”.
This psychological term was given its name after a bank robbery in Sweden where all four employees (after being held for six days by two ex-convicts) resisted rescue attempts and later defended the actions of their captors. One victim even started a romantic relationship with one of them. When psychologists later tried to make sense of this phenomenon, it was the fact that even though the kidnappers harassed, threatened, intimidated and physically abused their captors, they occasionally exhibited acts of “kindness”, humor or flattery. Their victims saw this as a sign of “affection”, and a bond would develop. Many would feel sympathy for their abductor or even believe they shared the same values. Some would actually express deep admiration and respect for their captor and try to please them, as if they were God. Many would even refuse to run away, as in the case of both Elizabeth Smart and Jaycee Lee Dugard, who were both out in public at times but never revealed themselves. The Dugard case was so extreme, in fact, that she began to think of her 18-year captivity as a “marriage” and would assist Phillip Garrido with his home business despite the fact that he repeatedly raped her and had her living in a shed in his backyard.
What is most interesting about this type of “bonding” is that it doesn’t require a hostage scenario. The same thing has happened to cult members, prisoners of war, incest victims, sexually abused children, and battered spouses. It’s the individual’s response to this type of extreme stress and trauma that determines how they relate to their aggressor. It’s their coping mechanism, and although their actions may seem “crazy” to some, they did it to survive. It’s the combination of how skillful the “controller” is with his threats and abuse (and intermittent “acts of kindness”) versus the victim’s own sense of self-worth and confidence. Many of the abused believe they brought it on themselves, that they somehow deserve this. Some are kept isolated from others or are too “ashamed” to tell friends or family what has happened. But the saddest cases of all are the ones where the victim doesn’t even recognize the controller’s actions as “abuse” and has actually convinced themselves that this is “love” instead. These are the ones that seldom get away.
I am convinced that most of us have been VICTIMS of some type of abuse at one point in our lives. For some, it only lasted a short while until they got help. For others, like me, it lasted a lifetime. Although I am no longer in denial of what happened to me, I am still feeling the effects and working through the trauma. I was one of the ones that saw the abuse as “love” and sugar-coated all my relationships. As a child, I experienced both sexual and physical abuse, but it was the verbal abuse I dealt with in my marriage that I believe devastated me the most. Disguised as “humor”, it was the cruel taunting and teasing that slowly ate away at me combined with the “mind control” and “rejection” I didn’t even recognize at the time. Before I knew it, my confidence and self-esteem were so eroded that I actually believed I was safe and loved … and that the moments of “abuse” I actually did recognize were not that bad.
If you are only “abused” a few minutes a day or a few hours a week, do you tell yourself that it’s not enough to rock the boat? That it’s just not severe enough to disrupt a family, to hurt others or to change your lifestyle. But if you are like me, it won’t be long until you are just pretending to be satisfied with your life … and everything (and everyone) starts to sound and feel “fake”. Then one day, you wake up and can’t even look at yourself in the mirror. Not only can’t you stomach the one that has done this to you, but you can’t stand yourself either for letting them do this to you. This is when you have to get help. This is when you need to walk away.
Copyright © 2013 (Michelle Parsons, Getting Back on Your Path). All Rights Reserved.
