THE SNAKE WHISPERER
When she finally got the strength to leave him, and her bags were packed, the voice that had encouraged her before began to taunt her. It was her mother’s voice, she was certain. It had been years since she had heard it, but she recognized it immediately. Kind and loving, a smoker’s voice that kept getting deeper as she grew older. Also, it was only her mother who called her Peggy while everyone else called her Margaret.
The first time she heard the voice, she was standing in the kitchen scrubbing a stubborn pan that she could not get clean enough no matter how hard she tried. The more she scrubbed, the more irritated she became over another dinner eaten in silence. Sometimes she would make the effort to ask how his day was, no longer really interested in his answer but just testing to see if he would inquire about hers. Occasionally he would, but more often than not he wouldn’t, and the rage inside her began to build. So when her mother’s voice said: “He doesn’t love you anymore, Peggy”, she suddenly let go of the pan, dropped to her knees and began to sob. Rocking back and forth, it was like a storm erupting inside of her. A storm that was a long time coming but finally here.
It wasn’t like Margaret hadn’t thought of leaving him before … but whenever she had considered it, she worried about what would happen to him and then changed her mind. She knew they had grown apart, and it was obvious the passion wasn’t there anymore, but he was always a good provider, responsible and hard working. He didn’t deserve a wife who after all these years would just up and walk away just because she was bored and wanted more. Better to choose comfort and stability as one grows older than passion, which comes one day and is gone the next. Besides, he was so dependent on her, and she couldn’t imagine him surviving on his own. The shock alone might kill him.
So she stayed. Until the silence became deafening and a voice she trusted told her the truth. This wasn’t love they shared. They were just roommates really. Financial partners at best. Then the voice told her that whatever they had in the beginning was gone now, and they were just stuck for old time’s sake. Or because they were just too afraid to leave. Too fearful that what was around the corner was worse than what they were dealing with today. “It’s the best thing for him also, Peggy. He will be grateful to you later.” That was all Margaret needed to hear to finally make up her mind.
But then the voice began to change. Just as she was starting to get strong, Margaret heard the voice say: “If you go, you will be poor the rest of your life.” Then a few days later: “Everyone will turn against you. They will hate you for leaving him. You will regret this.” No matter where she went or what she did, the voice followed her, stalking her and nagging her with incessant negativity. Always managing to shake it off, Margaret carried on with her plans until the day the voice became even meaner and more controlling, telling her she was a paranoid schizophrenic who needed help. Breaking down and sobbing again, Margaret kept pleading with the voice to identify itself. This couldn’t be her mother, who had always told Margaret she could do anything she wanted. Maybe it was her own fears and insecurities coming to the surface … but if it was her own voice, why did a sudden feeling of peace and relief wash over her when she finally made her decision and asked for a divorce?
When the voice wouldn’t stop, Margaret began to pray. Every night, she asked for God’s help … but it wasn’t until the middle of the night two weeks later when she heard the haunting voice say: “Your mother always hated you” that she realized whose voice this was. This was not her mother. This was her mother’s twin.
Copyright © 2015 (Michelle Parsons, Getting Back on Your Path). All Rights Reserved.
